I am a soldier descendent. My great great great grandfather was part of a colonial militia known as the Forest Rangers. Amongst other acts of violence, the Forest Rangers committed the 1864 atrocities against Tangata Whenua at Rangiaowhia and Ōrākau.

The former involved burning, shooting, raping and beating women and children as well as old and disabled people in a place of supposed refuge – a prosperous village where Māori and Pākehā lived together, tending abundant crops that fed families locally and nationally. The latter was a three-day massacre against people defending their pā, who were outnumbered five to one and who were largely bombed, shot, raped and beaten while trying to escape.

In exchange for these gross contributions to the settler colonial project, my ancestor was then given 51 acres of the land he had helped to steal – one was a plot at Harapepe (a purpose-built settlement for ex-Forest Rangers in what is now known as Te Pahū), the other 50 were farmland nearby in Pirongia – both are where, like Rangiaowhia village itself, Ngāti Apakura and Hinetū were and are mana whenua.

My ancestor’s violence and theft has been passed down through my family in material and immaterial ways. And it has been passed down through Ngāti Apakura, Hinetū and other Tangata Whenua as they inherit not just the trauma and loss of their ancestors but also their unyielding love and defence of the land and fight for justice and healing.

As well as a soldier descendent, I am a mama, facilitator, researcher, artist. I have a lot to learn about the atrocities at Rangiaowhia and Ōrākau – both the events themselves and how they weave into the coloniality of Aotearoa then and now, including their continuation through the property, lives, relationships, bodies and psyches of soldier descendants like me and my 5yo and 3yo.

On February 21st, 2025, my kids and I had the honour of attending the 161st whakamaumahara of the Rangiaowhia atrocity, hosted by Ngāti Apakura and Hinetū. I wanted us to grieve in community, to learn more and to show up, to see if and how we might support the kaupapa of mana whenua. I hoped also to meet other soldier descendants with shared commitments to intergenerational justice and healing.

And then during the dawn service, Pā Tom Roa spoke explicitly about the pursuit by mana whenua of the “3 R’s” - Restitution, Restoration and (eventually, maybe) Reconciliation - and how this needs to happen not just with the Crown but also with us: soldier descendants.

So I was surprised when it turned out that we were the only soldier descendants there. I later had the privilege of meeting Pā Tom, and it was in conversation with him that the idea of forming a collective was planted.

This, then, is a call for other descendants of Forest Rangers: Would you like to join me in (slowly, carefully) feeling and stepping into some kind of ancestral counter-colonial response-ability?

I write responsibility as response-ability to lift it up as our ability to respond. For even if we cannot ever fully know the intention behind our ancestors’ actions (including if it was their ‘fault’ or their ‘choice’ or a mix of both or something else), the ongoing effects of their actions are clear and wrong and we, their descendants, have an ability to respond to them – to counter them – in the here and now.

Maybe we could read together, grieve together, rage together, make together, act together. Maybe we could listen to our ancestors, catch their stories, their mistakes, their betrayals, trace the paths of stolen land – even help return it. Maybe we could become informed, grounded, connected enough to contribute to justice and healing for Ngāti Apakura, Hinetū and other Tangata Whenua affected by the Forest Rangers – if and how they would like us to – whether now or in generations to come.

And in doing so maybe we could even help to restore the honour of our own people, moving a little closer toward also being able to honour the promises that we made in Te Tiriti o Waitangi – that astute and generous covenant from Tangata Whenua that enabled and enables us to even be in these beautiful lands in the first place.